Tag » RPL

Remembering who I was then and now

These last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve gotten where I’ve gotten. I have a tendency to get all nostalgic during the big events in my life and considering my transfer is 13 days away my mind has been on overload. 259 kata lagi

Infertility

still fighting

There are no words that can encapsulate the rage that flared in my heart immediately following Molly’s birth and death. I woke up every morning like a warrior, vowing to fight inexorably when I went out in the world. 203 kata lagi

Infertility

ama

I am aging, fast. In one month, I will be 39 and I have lines on my face to prove it. I’m convinced that the stress of recurrent pregnancy loss and unmitigated depression is accelerating the process and I am not happy about it. 137 kata lagi

Infertility

life now

I’m not brave, not on days like today when the skies send water sluicing down my dirty windows and the fury inside me sets the panic racing in my heart. 236 kata lagi

Bipolar

sick

…and when I do go out, I hide in plain sight.

Days stretch out ahead of me like highways, interminable weeks, all the years of solitude. 146 kata lagi

Bipolar

the apocalypse inside

The loneliness of 1am is a palpable force in darkness. I lay motionless beside my husband with damp hands resting on my belly; the rage of losing is fire in my gut. 187 kata lagi

Infertility

2am ramblings

Having been spared from the relentless rain of the Pacific Northwest for a few days, the familiar sound of water coursing down my bedroom window at midnight seems particularly cruel. 308 kata lagi

Bipolar