Here are some snippets of conversation with The Texan, from today and previous conversations. Because I'm lazy, and I know ya'll are voyeurs. It's the Internet, after all.

Exhibit One: I am patronized.

The Texan: Ya, I can see what you're saying

Me: Can you? Cuz just then, I kind of sounded like I've been on a weeklong Xanax and Franzia bender.

Exhibit Two: Animals are cute

The Texan: Speaking of cute, check your email!

[I find a forward about a mama tiger losing her babies and adopting some piglets.]

Me: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/tigerpig.asp

The Texan: Don't care. The situation is still amazingly adorable. Even if they do sell tigers on the black market.

Me: You mean it had nothing to do with a depressed tiger mama?!? Bummer.

The Texan: It is still amazing! How often do tiger moms let little pigs wrapped up in tiger blankets sleep on their belly?!

Me: I guess more often than I would have thought. At least once.

The Texan: which is all the times it needed to happen in order to be captured and placed on my computer screen.

And in my heart.

Me: That's really special.

Exhibit Three: My friends are classy

[Seeking dating advice awhile back]

Me: How soon is too soon to go camping with a person? Is there a timeline for these things?

The Texan: Hmm.  I'd wait until two weeks after you sleep together sober.

Me: HA! Uh, do you often sleep with people drunk?

The Texan: Usually when we first start dating.

Me: That seems unhealthy.

The Texan: I'm a guy, and yes it is healthy.

As this is a trip to my mom's, maybe not so much, but really she's great, she stresses me out a little but she's got a huge heart. I'm sort of curious about this idea of vacationing in my old cow hometown - usually we're there with Thanksgiving to cook and eat or the 4th and parades to visit, but to land there in the middle of the hot humid summer is something else entirely. We'll be stopping on the way, taking the lazy road and just being.

I wish you all well and I hope your week is abundantly lovely. Back soon.

My self-perception is as accurate as a carnival mirror.  If I am going to see myself clearly, I need you to hold the mirror of God's Word in front of me.

What an amazing and yet simple image.  In my pursuit of godliness I have something working to my disadvantage—my sinful nature!  Becuase of the sinful nature within me, my opinion of myself is distorted.  I don't see myself the way others see me, being unaware of (or refusing to acknowlege) the flaws in my character.

Praise God for community.  In order to help me see the things I need to work on, He has drawn around me some close friends who point out my issues and encourage me to line them up with what is found in God's Word.  I pray that we would be people who lovingly hold up the mirror of God's Word to one another.

C O P Y R I G H T © A L I C E D R O G O R E A N U 2008

alice's

Please God, please don't let these two be the leaders of the free world come November.

Thats it.

Thank you,

Jaime

Well I went to work a few days ago and got pulled aside by Jessica the ETL. (If you've ever worked for Target then you'd know what it means) [Executive Team Lead].
Anyways we were going over my school schedule because school starts the 24th and I needed to let them know. Well....they are taking away my title and throwing me down to just a Team Member. I was the Cosmetic Captain which is a Specialist position....I'm not too happy about it, but I'm going to still be doing the same damn thing and I still get the same pay, but just not the title. Which to me is pretty stupid if I'll still be doing the same job. She said herself that it just needs to be done 1x a week. Basically all I do is "zone" cosmetics which means put things in the right spot tidy it and pull things forward. If I'm still going to be doing that why can't I still have the title?? I just don't get it. And I did tell whoever needed to be told I'd be going to school. On top of it they might NOT approve my X-mas vacation to Buffalo for 2 weeks. Which I said if I have to I won't work there or whatever because I'll still be going on vacation and the HR chick had written it down when I got hired. So I did tell them what was up before I got hired. Now I'm told they have black out dates in which no one can go on vacation. So ultimately my goal is by next year to have a different job because most likely they won't be giving me the time off in July and December again. And I know for a fact I will be going again next year. I'll be 21 so we might even head back down to NYC! It will be so much more exciting. On top of those 2 vacations in April my Dad will be taking me to Vegas because of my 21st birthday! So that's about 3 vacations in the year 2009. So...yea I don't know what I'm going to do hopefully Todd can get his drum lessons back up but who knows. But that was my day at work.

Then my bank account OD...(over drafted). We got 2 of the fees waived which is good because it took a good chunk out of my pay check this morning. And I got paid more then we thought I would, which is good.
We still have a ton of bills to pay and we're scrambling to pay them all. I continue to work and I continue to think this job isn't getting me the money I need....if I continue getting the hours I am. On top of that I'm concerned when school starts because this time I'll be working. So my time on the computer will be even more limited. I'm taking 15 credit hours and will be working 20-30 hours a week at work....on top of that I'll have papers to write for English 102 and Psy101. *sigh* I'm a bit panicked.

On to Neo News. I just found out about the NC Mall goodie bag give away!
What you didn't know about it either??? Well go on and hop over to the NC Mall. When you get to the main page refresh the page until this sparkley bag appears in the new items list.

Then you can go to your inventory and open the bag.
Inside mine I got:

Elegant Gold Necklace

Candle Making

Lemon Tulip Lollypop

*nods* The two last items are not NC Mall items. the First one is. (Or I mean a wearable).

Tempo fa mi dava un po' fastidio, ma ora sembra allontanare la noia di stare davanti allo schermo per molte ore, soprattutto dopo quelle d'ufficio.

E allora vai di FoxyTunes. Non può mancare su Firefox.

Daje di Blind Guardian, Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, Gammaray, Helloween, Iron Maiden, Manowar, King Diamond, Nightwish, Ozzy Osbourne, Sonata Artica, Therion e altri meno noti quanto piacevoli.
Sfrutto il momento per imbattermi nelle canzoni di mia moglie, che ha sfrontatamente inserito nella mia playlist di metal più totale, e DELETARLE con sublime goduria.

I can’t help but use gas,

Sorry Ginsberg.

I’ve never been to the east coast

And you dead all over.

I feel guilty as hell. 

The Rev. Martin luther King said the he had a dream. Martin Luther King had a vision to bring justice to America. His fight for Non-violent equality for America, was killed in April 4, 1968. Civil Rights is still a big issue in America this very day. The quest for Social change is still in effect. I beg that if you have any habits of being against Civil Rights, get over it. It's time for a change. What will you do to make it happen.

The setting was idyllic; the finely clipped lawn stretched wide, then plunged steeply into a narrow canyon, its far edge rising to other green hills where grew also ancient California Pepper trees akin to those whose gnarled trunks and low-hanging branches stood before me in stately form. I gazed as Jerry parked the car, taking in the white tent that had been erected and the red and white checkered cloths that covered the tables.

Grandchildren ran to us, and thus began the party.

If the party had not been perfect, I wouldn't try to convince you of such a notion, but in all truth, I can affirm that it was. From setting, to food, to conversations, to treats, "entertainment," and to guests it was a sterling, perfect party, and it is safely ensconced in my memory bank, filed as a very special time and event.

"I want this to be a simple affair, Rebecca," I had told her in the early stages of planning the party that my children were pitching for my 70th birthday. "I want my family and a few close friends there, but I don't want anything extravagant; I don't want it to be a burden on anyone.

""Okay, Mom."

That was the genesis of the party style, and I left it that way. Somehow these four marvelous youngsters of mine executed exactly what I wanted, even though I didn't precisely know myself just what I envisioned. It was a dream party.

I had wandered around, admiring and exclaiming over everything, including my baby and childhood pictures that were displayed, which Rebecca had pilfered from our "picture room" in Crestline. The decorations were adorable and included bouquets of sunflowers and white daisies, stuck into large Mason jars and tied around with raffia streamers. Such was the thoughtfulness of these children of mine, that on every table, as part of the centerpieces, were resin ants, high-legged ones. I suppose those bug-eyed and fetching critters were to insure a realistic picnic ambience, just in case the natural born insects failed to make an appearance.

I was so engrossed with these things, that they had completely set up and were playing music before I even saw them. Those responsible were watching my reaction and later told me it was as though I was oblivious to them as two young women moved across the lawn, set up their instruments and began playing. I turned and saw that a cellist and a violinst had been engaged to furnish music for my party. Beside the people, who of course, ranked first, this music was my favorite part of the whole deal. With only a couple of breaks they played for the better part of two hours. That the music was so hauntingly beautiful, and afforded such a splendid visual sight, and that my children had thought of such a treat, moved me so that I stood in tears as I took it all in.

Michael had bought prime rib roasts and hand cut them into steaks, which he grilled to order, along with chicken breasts, and hot dogs for the children. Corn boiled in a giant pot, gourmet cheese was passed and green salads and luscious bread and plain butter and herbed butter, and fiery red watermelon slices were handed around. Then was the cake, black and gooey, and there were huge cupcakes with sunflowers in their centers, and gifts, and Happy Birthday sung to the string accompaniment and then I said, "It's Shawnna's birthday," so we sang again, and this time I joined in.

They thought of everything; had engaged people from Andrew's church to help serve, brought bottles of bubbles for the children, and their paper plates of food were served atop a Frizbee, so that when they finished eating, a Frizbee game went on for hours.

We visited for a very long time, and then the light began to fade, and we gathered for group pictures.

My four marvelous kids and their daddy and their mama.

And after this picture was taken, I said, "Okay, all the adults be gone. I want a picture of my grandkids with their granny."

In no way do I deserve the life I have lived; the marvelous husband I married, the astonishing children God gave us, our 12 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren and the large number loyal and loving friends. I'm thankful for health and physical possessions and that I live in this wonderful country, the United States of America. I'm thankful for 70 years on this earth.

This morning, we had a two-hour breakfast with Steve, at 3:00 we're meeting Rebecca and Andrew and their families at the beach in Imperial Beach and at 7:00 we're having dinner with our dear friends, Nita and Johnny Hodges.

The birthday lives...:)

People really abbreviate there normal conversations to text? Are they that lazy?

I was outside working in the yard today and I was thinking about a time in my youth than was fun, exciting and memorable.  I remembered the friend of mine, what fun we had and even small details about the event.  That got me to thinking about how often I would call him up, just show up at his house un-announced or spend a weekend out in the woods.

It's been almost 4 years since I've talked to him last.  I guess life enjoys taking things away from us... it's so good at it too.

there's something magic about the number thirty.

i'd lost about that many pounds before people started noticing. i don't know what it is about that number, but every other time i'd lost before, it was thirty when the comments started.

you know this scenario. it happens when you get a new haircut that's different but not dramatically different or when you change the color. people look at you, trying to put the pieces together. it's a familiar feeling for all of us.

mystical number thirty was also, every other time, when i'd stop despite having more thirties to tackle.

when i kept going, the comments changed to silence or questions without a real middle ground. from those in my same boat, i'd get serious questions, usually in a whispered conversation in a random hallway, about what i was doing and how i was doing it. they were always asked in a sort of awe-filled tone, as if i was had the potential, in that moment, to become their personal oracle. while flattering, i still find it a bit disingenuous to wax philosophical on a topic that i am far from an expert on. i am uncomfortable by these questions but also kind of an attention slut about it. it's a strange duality for me.

everyone else seemed to grow silent. i like the silence. i respect the silence. still do. quite a lot, actually.

because accompanying the silence came a lot of measurable changes that i didn't think to notice at the time, really, but now looking back i see as all wrapped up in the process. one day i woke up and decided that i was going to make of my life what i wanted. i don't know if i got increasingly tired of waiting for life to happen to me or if i got bit by some kind of spunky bug, but i was done with sitting around.

i showed up for stuff that i avoided before. i made plans with people. i hung out, i talked, i played, i adventured. i flirted with people i never would have before. i asked guys out.

i was a different me.

that began to be what people started to notice more than anything. i had, in pretty short order, gone from being a person people sort of knew of to a person that people knew well. i was everywhere.

i was good with that.

i'd like to think that i was always the person that i am now. i'd like to think that being a few sizes smaller and pounds lighter didn't make me better. i think that's true. i think i always was this person, somewhere down deep.

that's what i'd like to focus on--that somewhere down deep.

lots of people talk about their size as something that wrapped them up tight, that kept them protected from the world. i don't like that idea. i want to believe that you can be who you are regardless of what you look like. i do believe that.

i hesitate to use a deeply cheesy metaphor, but it's the best one i can think of. that magical, mystical number thirty began the cracking of my cocoon. i wasn't suffocated in my size; i was growing in it, no pun intended. i concentrated on a lot of things while i was there: my intelligence, my spirituality, my relationship with my family, my professional life, my goals, my sense of resilience, my heart.

but slowly, as i shed more of me, i felt other things starting to emerge.

my sassy sense of humor.

my crazy good flirting ability.

my innate ability to befriend others and really see them. perhaps that's born of years of not really seeing myself. what a blessing if it is. i'd do it all again if it means i could see people the way i can.

my passion for adventure, especially the ones that i create on my own.

an oddly deceptive (but sometimes true) sense of breezy confidence.

my strength.

my commitment and endurance. i don't think i ever knew that i could stick with something before. not something i really had the potential to suck at completely.

my fierceness. i say what i think when i think it now.

my loyalty.

my big giant heart and how it loves completely. how i fall hard and fast. how i'm learning to not apologize for that.

my beauty...and my belief and recognition of it. (still learning this one.)

i cracked open, which sounds creepy and bad horror movie-like, but it's true. being smaller has made me a bigger person.

how weird is that?

I am not a great movie buff. Not sure why. There just seems to be certain moves that I generally gravitate to. They are either heavy action movies such as the MatrixTrilogy's, and the Die Hard series. I am even one for some extraordinary dramas such as We Are Marshall, The Rookie, Wind, and Invincible.

It has been a tradition for a bunch of us from church to see movies that are released at midnight of opening day. Such was the case for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Transformers, etc. Last night we went to see the opening of the new Batmanmovie and I was blown away. Not only with the action and special effects. Christopher Nolan reached a depth in a movie that I really have not experienced before. At times it reached into the inner core of humanity as one explores the difference between those with moral codes and others without. It left me with a sense of needing to be proactive in life. If we become afraid and unwilling to leave our little box, the potential for what the world can become is diminished. As Batman comes into a world where, evil is allowed to coexist, it is easy to be lulled into a sense of despair and acknowledgement that this how the world is suppose to be. But with the interjection of one character, hope arises. Hmmm sounds sort of theological.

Rules:
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

(Yes, I'm ignoring rules 4 and 5, as always, because it is inevitable that by the time I get tagged for a meme, the person who tagged me has already also tagged anyone else I would be able to tag myself.)

My 6 Unspectacular Quirks

1. Even though I lived without a TV for several years and felt vaguely superior about it, I really do like TV shows. The main thing that not having access to regular TV did for me was make me actually have standards for the shows I watch, so now I'm not nearly as addicted as I used to be. If there is a flickering picture tube on in the room, though, I pretty much have to look at it.
2. I am also easily addicted to series books. Even if the writing isn't stellar, or I don't like the particular plot of this book, if it's in a series with a character (even a side character) that I remotely like, I'll keep reading. I'm more addicted to reading than I am to TV.
3. I could almost entirely exist on bread and peanut butter.
4. I am accumulating new kinds of tea far faster than I can consume it, even though I now drink about 3 mugs a day at work. (Of course, this is largely because I reuse the same tea leaves/bag all day.)
5. I am frugal largely because I am too lazy and vaguely agoraphobic (in the more original sense of disliking crowds, not the out of doors) to go out and spend money unless there is a pressing need. This has encouraged me to start bringing my lunch to work with me. Peanut butter, of course.
6. I continue to drive my parents' minivan, loaned to me after my return from my brief stint in Taiwan 3 years ago, because my personal financial habits still tell me that I can only spend money if I have it, and I spent all the car money I had previously saved for the down payment on the house. I will undoubtedly continue to wait until I have enough money saved again, because debt terrifies me.

This was actually harder than it seemed like it should be, because really, how boring does a quirk have to be before it's "unspectacular"? And if it's too boring, is it really a quirk?

If I dont write now, Im afraid of what I might do to myself or someone else for that matter. Its just been one of those psychotic days where one minute its up, the next its down, the next its up, and then down, and up, and so forth.

This morning started off to a bad note when...let me think, its been a long while ago now...when we got down here, I started coffee, FIRST THING. Because Ive learned, the hard way, that if you dont, dad waits in the office until he gets his coffee. Its all around a better day if you just start the coffee first. This morning, like most mornings the water was short just a little. I started it anyways, figuring before things got to busy, Id put more in. No. Big. Deal. But then...dad took a cup when it was barely started, thus making the rest of the pot weak. But since I hadnt put all the water in, it would be fine. But who cares anyways, right? Well...mom went to put more water in, my sister casually mentions that it will be bitter if she puts more in, and the handle pops and off we go.

Good morning, how are you?

The rest of the day is off to that start. I started off to a pretty positive note. Got enough sleep, did my chores last night, so this morning was a breeze...a good start. But then...I discovered that...well...this week is the one week out of the month my emotions are all off whack, and instead of being angry like I am a majority of the time these weeks come around, Im on the near verge of tears. Starting this morning when she took off out the door with the last words being "If you want to come, then come" I panic, and found myself ridding to town beside her, tears streaming down my face.

The rest of the day went down with a bang.

Its hard. Really really hard to be a person, let alone, a Christian, in this day and age, but not only that, in this situation. Because it seems the more I go for the good, the harder things become. The more faith I have, the harder the circumstances. Which, I know is normal, and good, and all...but...its hard! Especially when I try to control my anger, and control myself, and my actions, its just...hard! Am I the only one struggling with this problem?

My mom would be the first to say (on a good day) that she has problems. But...her problems dont seem near as hard as mine, or atleast, not near as BAD as mine. No ones do. I seem to be the only one with knee deep problems that are bad. Bad as in, wrong. Like...things I do that are wrong.

Somethings coming...I just dont know what.

Today:

Last night was rough. But we did end up getting things settled and smoothed over. No real realization to why things started, or how I know they got out of control, but none the less, settled. Plus we got a chance to talk about what to say and do next time, because...really...its going to happen sometime, just when.

Today, though, things arent going so hot. Not between us, just with...well...my dad. Hes assumed position of teenage boy, or something to the likes. Hes just...acting, excuse my way of putting this, but stupid. Not that he is, hes just...I dont know. Its really hard to explain. Plus some, or most, of it is personal, and I dont want to get into TO much of that here. But this morning, instead of working like he usually does, he was playing computer games. He got really mad when we suggested he do something other. He and mom went to town to pick up a car, I was slightly concerned that they wouldnt come back alive. It gets that way sometimes.

I was talking with mom and my sister. It seems that the more you pray for him, the harder things become with him. Mom said that its because God has to take some people to the lowest of lows, and it seems thats what He has to do with dad. I really feel bad for him, in a way, because I know how much it hurts me, and how hard it is to just live that one day with tension, frustration, and everyone being mad at you. I know what its like to live with the same people he lives with, only...at the end of the day, I know that I can come to those people and ask for forgiveness, and will be given that. I know that I can pray, and have a restored relationship. I know I can start the next day out, new and fresh because of this. I also can get away sometimes. From him. He? Has to live with himself.

As far as him assuming position of teenager, what I mean by that is that...well....last night he went blueberry picking. Something that...uh...hello? Kids do? I mean, if he wants to pick berry's? All power to him. You know? But he left the shop at 4. Or 3:30 rather. That was after a day of just hanging around not doing a whole lot.

As much as Id like to say the pain in my legs is because Ive been doing my "workouts" so much, its not. Its because of the temper tantrum I threw last night, after betting so mad, I just exploded. I sent shock waves up my legs, and this morning they are still sore. These last few nights havent found me doing anything. Its been early mornings, later nights, and its all I can do just to make my legs move, lt alone run, or exersize.

I wrote a prayer out, last night for him. Mainly just my thoughts on how to pray and what to pray for him. Its kind of stupid, but none the less. A prayer.

Dad. I need to seriously start praying harder for him. I see myself to much in some of his actions, Ive tried to remember to take them to God, but I need to pray for him to do the same. I wonder sometimes if God allows me to struggle with certain things so Id know not only how to help him, but to know how to pray for him.

I feel bad, almost, posting these verses. I dont want to take them out of context, and my worse fear is that Im saying something that wont match my actions. Or other vise versa. I dont want people to assume something that isnt true, I dont want to give the wrong impression and I certainly dont want to take Gods word out of context in the wrong sort of way.

Here are a few of my favorite verses. Ones Im trying to attempt to learn, just because I think they are so great. Atleast, right now.

II Timothy 2:13:
If we are faithless,he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

Hebrews 5 & 6:
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you."So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

So heres these last few days in words. Or atleast in the words I could find at the time.

That most of its pages are faded and torn

The writing is smudged; you can’t make out the lines

If this book was a trellis it’d be covered in vines

Sitting upon a shelf covered in dust

Reluctant to turn back the cover, however we must

Read through the chapters that we now call our past

And try to understand how the years went by so fast

I don’t want to forget you; I just want to move on

Write yourself into my story and the memory will never be gone

You say you’ve tried to reason and that you’ve been ignored

You see me standing there doing nothing but continually slamming the door

It hurts to watch you struggle when oblivion is your only foe

Ignorance overwhelms you, you’re ability to see clearly seems so low

You want the world to love you, to take you as you are

But you respect no one; you are the most hypocritical by far

If books are for actors you’ve played your part well

But it’s time to switch scripts, on these days we shall not dwell

Blood is thicker than anything I know

For family, there is no distance I wouldn’t willingly go

Until you realize that yourself and embrace the same philosophy

A sequel to our story could simply never be

So you can play this role of victim, whimpering “poor me, poor me”

Or you can man up and mature, make your way to cleaning up the debris

You constantly place the blame on everyone else

You can never do wrong; the problem could never be yourself

The book you are writing is full of selfish conceit

Work on fixing yourself before you worry about me

This chapter has been finished; I’m already starting the next

I’ll write many more as you stand there vexed

Your life is yours and mine is mine

If you’re interested in what that means, read between the lines

2. "If my childhood was a cracker ..." Because believe it or not, normal people don't say things like that, and you will end up as the subject of a blog post.

3. "Sure I'm in favor of gun control." Because inevitably someone in your office is a member of the NRA. And has a gun. And doesn't agree with you. And now they're ticked.

4. "I actually don't eat beef unless it's hormone-free, but I'd love some extra veggies." Because it doesn't matter how honest you think your friend wants you to be when she asks if you can eat everything she made for dinner, she'll never ask you over again.

 5. "Yeah ... I like to go to shows." Because week after week, you will find yourself at shows in small, smokey venues that you were positive were going to spotlight your friends' bands. You will always be wrong, and you will have to listen to five hours of music which sounds vaguely like death-metal.

6. "I don't really know very much about beer ... just order an extra of whatever you're having." Because your friend will inevitably return with cheap, disgusting beer or a "good" beer that looks and tastes similar to tar.

7. "I guess I'd say that I'm a moderate." Because no one believes that being politically moderate means that you vote based on the qualifications of individual candidates. They think that you're a fence rider who can't make up your mind and will proceed to challenge you on every point they can think of, just so that they can prove that choosing a political party makes you smarter. Not that I find that annoying ...

8. "You're right, we don't spend enough time together, and yes, I am free this weekend." Because you should never promise up to two days of your time without first confirming that you will not in fact be helping someone move when they "suddenly remember" that that's what they have to do this weekend.

9. "I'm not much for country decor; it's a little tacky." Because the person you're talking to has gingham wallpaper and sunflower-print curtains in their living room. And so does their mother. And their best friend who is standing next to them.

10. "I don't care what we do as long as we're together." Because you will care. Trust me.

11. "I'd love for you to recommend a book to me." Because they will also give you said book to read out of their private collection, it will be awful, and they will ask you every time they see you for the rest of your life if you've read it yet and if you enjoyed it.

12. "Anything's fine, as long as it's not decaf." Because now you're getting instant coffee.

13. "My boyfriend has a truck ..." Because now they are going to use both of you.

14. "I pretty much like all music." Because you don't. You enjoy different genresof music which is very different, and now you're going to have an awkward conversation about how you really can't listen to every single CD Toby Keith ever made on your twelve-hour road trip because you hate him.

15. "I have a blog too!" Because you don't actually want them to read it--you're just trying to connect. Find another common ground. You probably included them in an anecdote you'd prefer that they didn't see anyway.