I spent the afternoon reading Philosophy and getting the weeks homework done for my class. Then some friends called me and asked me to run over and do a few laps around the mall. I didn't buy anything. I looked at some new headphones for my laps. I broke my old set. I replaced them with some cheap ones from Walmart, but I hate them. They slip off my ears about every three steps it seems. The new ones were 50 bucks and I just had a hard time parting with a 50 spot for headphones. In the end I know I will probably buy them. I know that later this week I will likely curse myself for not buying them while I'm doing some laps around the lake.

The week ahead has already been filled to capacity. I suspect that I will be both stressed and pissy before lunch time tomorrow... Time will tell.

I lördagens Två dagar i GP finns ett reportage om tillsatser i färdigmat. Det är skrivet av en journalist som heter Johan Frisk. I likhet med väldigt många andra journalister i Sverige, verkar han avsky reklam och alla som jobbar med den. Artikeln är välskriven och riktigt intressant. Den behandlar ett viktigt ämne som bör behandlas med största respekt: Innehåll och tillsatser i maten. Men Frisk kan bara inte låta bli att skicka smalbenssparkar mot varumärkesarbete, företagande och reklam på samma gång. Trots att detta inte har speciellt mycket med ämnet att göra. Det är bara ett problem i Frisks resonemang. Han dribblar bort sig själv och bevisar att både reklamen och varumärkesarbetet lyckats riktigt bra. Och inte. Det beror på hur man ser på saken. Här är ett citat ur artikeln:

Förra året köpte varumärkena Felix, Scan, Bob och Kalles reklam för drygt 155 miljoner kronor brutto. Bara Felix ketcup och Kalles kaviar annonserade för nästan 30 miljoner kronor. Reklamens uppgift är att fylla varumärket med känslor, ofta med hjälp av humor. Vem har inte skrattat åt bebisen som vid smaken av kaviar reser sig ut barnstolen och börjar dansa till refrängen That´s the way, aha aha, I like it?

Jag skrattar inte. Möjligen åt förväxlingen. Den tramsiga reklamen som roar Frisk så innerligt kommer från Kavli, inte Kalles. Företaget Kavli nämns överhuvud taget inte i artikeln. En annan intressant aspekt är att den äckliga bebisfilmen (som Frisk refererar till) i första hand ska sälja mjukost. Visst, jag har hittat en version med Kavlis kaviar, men bara norsk. 

Troligen har Frisk fallit offer för ett genomtänkt varumärkesarbete. Kalles äger positionen "kaviar" i Sverige och därför tar Frisks hjärna en genväg och antar att kaviarfilmen (vilken jag misstänker är en mjukostfilm i själva verket) kommer från Abba och Kalles. Kavli har också gjort ett bra arbete, fast mer på det reklamtaktiska området, eftersom journalisten kommer ihåg filmen och handlingen. Synd bara att inte avsändaren fick vara med, men det blir lätt så när man är en hoppjerka.

Vad kan vi då dra för slutsatser av detta? Bland annat att en välskriven och genomtänkt artikel kan stjälpas av att murveln inte klarar att fokusera och hålla sig till ämnet. Med lite god publicistisk vilja skulle man kunna vaska fram en liten relevans mellan varumärkenas reklaminnehåll och produkternas innehåll, men det vore klent och skulle bara lura de redan frälsta. Dessutom skulle det kräva att journalisten hade gjort sin hemläxa, sin research. Men det är tydligen för mycket begärt nuförtiden.

[READ THE READ of this extensive article at my new blog site.]

I finally got the V5 (ownership document) through for my car yesterday. My Mum has got a new car, and passed her old one onto me. However, everything has taken longer because my Mum has a personalised plate, which had to go onto her new car and I then had to be issued with a registration plate. This meant all the documents had to be sent off to the DVLA, who processed them, whilst going on strike at the same time, and sent them back out. I then rang my insurance company to change the registration number (as the car was insured from last month under my Mum's registration plate) to discover it was £14.50 to change the registration plate as they charged an admin fee! They also had picked up that on a previous quote for insurance I had put down that the car had exterior modifications (a sunroof) and my policy doesn't mention these (as I since discovered that factory fitted extras don't count as modifications). I tried to explain this to the Indian guy in the call centre but to prove it I have to get a letter from a garage stating the car has no exterior changes. This isn't a problem as the car is going into the garage tomorrow to get the new number plates fitted and a new rear windscreen motor. It's just the bureaucracy that infuriates me.

My Dad is back home. He arrived back yesterday morning looking fairly sheepish but acting as if nothing has happened. This is his typical routine. He'll be meek and helpful and skirt round the issue until he thinks people have forgotten whereupon he'll revert to type. I just wish my Mum and him would make a decision about who was going to live where. The house is up for sale but no one seems to want to buy a very nice family house in South Kensington. Given the news, I don't think people want to buy any house.

I still haven't cut. Despite sitting for 3 hours in tears on my bed last night with a blade pressed to my leg. In the end I put it away, poured myself a large vodka and went to sleep. The alcohol wore off at about 1am where I was awake until 5.30am. This is partly my own fault, as I haven't seen the doctor to tell her that the mirtazapine isn't having any sedative effect anymore, and because it isn't sedating me I have reverted to type and have been taking Nytol continuously for the last 3 weeks or so, in rather large quantities. I now have no Nytol left and haven't been out of the house today or yesterday to buy anymore. I hope when I see the GP she gives me some zopiclone or temazepam as I cannot cope with the feeling perpetually tired but not being able to sleep sensation I currently have.

The assessment with the CMHT is a week tomorrow and at this stage I feel there is absolutely no point in trying to get it moved forwards. Seven days is neither here nor there to wait and I am resolved to see the GP tomorrow so I'll see what she suggests. I have been so close over the last few days to overdose (I found a prescription for a month's worth of venlafaxine that I had forgotten to take to a pharmacy) or to cut myself. I also have been feeling the urge just to walk into A&E and break down. I know that none of these things will prove to be any use. I will still be in the same circumstances, just with my Mum worried about me, and she is depressed enough at the moment without me adding to her mood.

Ruth

La sorte ha beffato Kimi Raikkonen, togliendogli la soddisfazione di un successo che aveva cercato con tutte le sue forze. A un soffio dalla conclusione del Gran Premio del Belgio il campione della Ferrari ha perso il controllo della sua monoposto, uscendo di pista a causa della pioggia caduta a pochi giri dal termine. Per lui le speranze mondiali si sono praticamente annullate. Un vero peccato per i tifosi del “cavallino rampante”, che a Spa avevano assistito alla rinascita del loro alfiere.

Sin dalle fasi iniziali Raikkonen si è espresso ai massimi livelli, scavalcando Kovalainen, nonostante i 10 kg di carburante in più rispetto ai diretti avversari. Sempre nel corso del primo giro il sorpasso con il coltello fra i denti ai danni del compagno di squadra Felipe Massa, costretto a cedere alla sua foga. I due portacolori del “cavallino rampante” scattano con le gomme morbide, come quasi tutti gli altri, sfidando l’umido lasciato nel tracciato dalla pioggia caduta 40 minuti prima del via.

La marcia aggressiva di Raikkonen continua presto con un sorpasso autorevole su Hamilton, che gli consente di guadagnare la prima posizione. La piazza di testa resta a lungo nelle sue mani, nonostante l’avvicinamento del leader del mondiale che, con la pista più asciutta, metterà il muso della sua McLaren molto vicino all’ala posteriore della “rossa” del capofila.

Al 38mo passaggio Hamilton si porta a 1″6 dal ferrarista, mentre Massa è a 6″7 dal vertice. Quando mancano sei tornate alla conclusione delle ostilità comincia a piovere, anche se in modo molto lieve. L’inglese del team di Woking riduce a meno di un secondo lo svantaggio dal battistrada, prima di perdere leggeremente terreno a causa di una sbavatura di guida. Sul rettilineo di arrivo la pioggia si fa più intensa. Al 42mo giro sono giochi d’artificio fra i due di testa, che si alternano al comando. Ma il ferrarista perde il controllo e finisce contro le barriere. Vince Hamilton davanti a Massa e Heidfeld.

GP Belgio, Spa. Ordine d’arrivo:

01. Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes (B) 1h22.44.933
02. Massa Ferrari (B) + 14.461
03. Heidfeld BMW Sauber (B) + 23.844
04. Alonso Renault (B) + 28.939
05. Vettel Toro Rosso-Ferrari (B) + 29.037
06. Kubica BMW Sauber (B) + 29.498
07. Bourdais Toro Rosso-Ferrari (B) + 31.196
08. Glock Toyota (B) + 56.506
09. Webber Red Bull-Renault (B) + 57.237
10. Kovalainen McLaren-Mercedes (B) + 1 giro
11. Coulthard Red Bull-Renault (B) + 1 giro
12. Rosberg Williams-Toyota (B) + 1 giro
13. Sutil Force India-Ferrari (B) + 1 giro
14. Nakajima Williams-Toyota (B) + 1 giro
15. Button Honda (B) + 1 giro
16. Trulli Toyota (B) + 1 giro
17. Fisichella Force India-Ferrari (B) + 1 giro
18. Raikkonen Ferrari (B) + 2 giri

Classifica piloti:

01 Lewis Hamilton (McLaren) 80
02 Felipe Massa (Ferrari) 72
03 Robert Kubica (BMW-Sauber) 58
04 Kimi Raikkonen (Ferrari) 57
05 Nick Heidfeld (BMW-Sauber) 47
06 Heikki Kovalainen (McLaren) 43
07 Jarno Trulli (Toyota) 26
08 Fernando Alonso (Renault) 23
09 Mark Webber (Red Bull) 18
10 Timo Glock (Toyota) 16
11 Nelsinho Piquet Jr (Renault) 13
12 Sebastien Vettel (Toro Rosso) 13
13 Rubens Barrichello (Honda) 11
14 Nico Rosberg (Williams) 9
15 Kazuki Nakajima (Williams) 8
16 David Coulthard (Red Bull) 6
17 Sebastien Bourdais (Toro Rosso) 4
18 Jenson Button (Honda) 3
19 Adrian Sutil (Force India) 0
20 Anthony Davidson (Super Aguri) 0
21 Giancarlo Fisichella (Force India) 0
22 Takuma Sato (Super Aguri) 0

Classifica costruttori:

01 Ferrari 129
02 McLaren 123
03 BMW-Sauber 105
04 Toyota 42
05 Renault 36
06 Red Bull 24
07 Williams 17
08 Toro Rosso 17
09 Honda 14
10 Force India 0
11 Super Aguri 0

[via: motorsportblog.it]

[READ THE REST of this extensive article at my new blog site!]

Et s'il y a bien un pilote qui m'horripile au plus haut point, il s'agit bien de Fernando Alonso. Quand on regarde de plus près son comportement, il y a de quoi tomber des nues...

Il décroche le meilleur volant l'an dernier, chez McLaren, pour ensuite se plaindre d'un équipier trop rapide; alors que la politique de l'écurie a toujours été claire depuis toujours : que le meilleur gagne! Visiblement mécontent de ne pas être placé sur un pied d'estal (vive le sport!!!); il dénigre son écurie dans la presse. Bonjour l'ambiance, et le respect de ses obligations contractuelles!

Il se recase chez Renault, tout en continuant à critiquer son ex-employeur avec qui il a cependant signé un contrat de sortie demandat aux parties de ne plus s'épandre publiquement, et croyez-vous que son attitude change? Que nenni! Il ne cesse de critiquer sa voiture, Renault et l'on ne compte plus le nombre de fois que la presse relaie son envie de changer d'air! Tout ça bien sûr malgré le fait d'être lié à Renault pour 2 ans...

Au vu de son salaire - qui se compte en millions d'€ - c'est tout simplement scandaleux. Si on contrat donne des droits, il comporte également des devoirs, et non des moindres! Comment motiver un team autour de lui alors qu'il ne cesse de le critiquer publiquement, comment représenter Renault en tant que marque avec une attitude aussi négative... Je suis convaincu que Carlos Ghosn, qui connait le montant du chèque, lui, doit commencer à la trouver mauvaise...

Et comment s'étonner que ni Ferrari, ni BMW ne lui proposent un volant? Au vu du coût du pilote, et du risque de dérapage à la moindre contre-performance, on comprend qu'ils y réfléchissent à deux fois... Surtout que ses performances lorsqu'il n'a pas la meilleure voiture du plateau sont plus que discutables!

Enfin, quel contraste avec l'attitude de vrais grands champions, tels Ayrton Senna, qui avec une McLaren plus que poussive n'a cessé de se battre, comme par exemple au GP de Monaco en 1992, ou de Michael Schumacher, qui a relevé le défi Ferrari à bras le corps et a pu, à force de travail, obtenir les résultats que l'on sait...

Vraiment, ce Fernando Alonso est un tout tout petit monsieur...

F1 - Renault Alonso, mystérieux sur son avenir - Yahoo! Sport

A maioria dos erros já são conhecidos de muitos. Os erros clássicos já podem ser encontrados com facilidade em forma de catálogos pela web. Mas se existe esse conhecimento, por que ainda são cometidos?

Podemos considerar que os erros clássicos são anti-padrões de gerenciamento de projetos. Quer que seu projeto afunde? Basta seguir as “dicas”. Por mais que sua resposta seja não, sem dúvidas você cometerá eles, e muitas vezes! Digo isso porque os erros tem um apelo sedutor: Há falta de pessoas? Contrate mais! Parece simples não é? Mas na realidade não é!

Para demonstrar isso, nessa próxima semana, apresentarei uma séria voltada aos erros clássicos do gerenciamento de projetos. A cada dia será mostrado um tipo de erro clássico. Os tipos de erros serão os seguintes:

• Relacionado às pessoas;
• Relacionado ao Processo;
• Relacionado ao Produto;
• Relacionado à Tecnologia.

Aguardo a sua participação!

Despite knowing I need to see her I haven't made an appointment. I can't even blame sleeping in past 8am and her not having any appointments left. I have been awake, and usually up and dressed, at 8 every morning this week. I don't know why I'm not seeing her. Perhaps because that would mean explaining how bad I actually feel and how the self-harm and suicidal urges are taking over my thoughts once again. Maybe it's because I'd have to talk about how I feel let down by secondary mental health services and explain that if they can't be bothered seeing me then I can't be bothered seeing them. Or maybe it's just because I can't be bothered. After all, there is a difference between being up and dressed (i.e. read falling out of bed, probably having a shower and pulling some old clothes on) and being dressed to be seen in public (i.e. washed, hair washed and dried, and putting clean, ironed clothes on).

I haven't cut myself though, but I have made an accidental injury I sustained a lot worse. I banged my cheekbone on the corner of my cupboard yesterday morning and it left a small mark. Instead of leaving it, like any normal person would have done, I decided to hit the area repeatedly yesterday to make it even more sore. This means that I woke up this morning with an eye that was half closed due to the swelling and a beautiful bruise developing. I haven't engaged in self-hitting since I was 18 and in hospital. I have hit other things and done damage in the meantime, but I can't recall hitting myself with my own fist since then. I don't know why I have started again. I want to cut but then I know if I do then I will need A&E attention and I cannot be bothered to get there and explain things. In part, my lethargy is proving to be a protective element, but I'm not sure how long this will last.

I know I need to see someone and talk to people about this at the moment and I am sure that if people knew how bad things were then the appointment with the CMHT would be sooner. However, I choose to hide away and pretend everything is OK. My Mum is so wrapped up in her own depressive world at the moment that she is barely noticing that I am around and I cannot blame her for that. Alongside me, she has been through an awful lot his year and I have been waiting for it all to come out, and it is doing now. This means though that I can't explain to her how crap I feel, not that I probably would anyway. My Dad rang my Mum last night but I don't know what he said because my Mum told me the conversation was between him and her. That situation isn't helping matters either, I keep expecting his car to pull up outside the house, and between you and me, this house is a much better place to live without him.

People have often accused me of being an attention seeker in the past but I couldn't be any further from that description at present. Instead of seeking attention and creating a scene relating to my moods and feelings, I am shying away from anyone that might be able to help or notice how I am. I don't know why this is but I know ultimately it probably isn't a good idea.

I'm going to go and put some more arnica on my cheek in the hopes that tomorrow morning I'll actually be able to see clearly out of my eye.

Ruth

Jag vet inte om Olle har problem med sitt ordbehandlingsprogram eller om han inte läste igenom sin artikel innan han postade den? Att facket blöder på medlemmar, och har gjort så en längre tid kan vi vara överens om, det faktum att denna medlemsflykt startade innan den borgerliga regeringen tillträdde och att nya A-kasse regler därmed kan räknas bort som anledning är okontroversiellt. Men att facket skulle bli mer attraktivt genom att söka mer konflikt är en närmast ointelligent slutsats. Att mer ’vi och dom’ tänk på arbetsmarknaden skulle vara lösningen?  I övrigt; hur skulle man kunna ’återuppfinna sig’ eller introducera ett ’nytänkande’ genom att vrida klockan tillbaka till 50-talet? Logiken saknas ju fullständigt?

Fackföreningsrörelsen blöder därför att unga människor ratar dess idégrund om att samhället består i en konflikt mellan arbetstagare och arbetsgivare. Unga människor ser facket mota dem i dörren genom sitt tankesätt att en arbetstagare skall värderas utifrån tjänsteår snarare än kompetens och ambition. Facket agerar därmed direkt fientligt gentemot unga nya löntagare. Att dessa vänder facket ryggen är naturligt och rationellt. Man kan dessutom konstatera att arbetsgivare som ställt sig vid sidan om kollektiv avtal ofta erbjuder betydligt mer attraktiva arbetsvillkor än de organiserade. Slutligen, hela tanken om en konflikt är fullkomligt absurd i ett modernt företag där värdet och framgången är direkt relaterat till kunskap, trivsel och lojalitet hos de anställda. Det skulle vara intressant om Olle kunde peka ut de arbetsgivare som inte förstått det, för jag har sannerligen aldrig sett en sådan.

Olle, vi unga löntagare har inget intresse i att klättra upp på barrikaderna med dig, din logik passar kanske grogg snacket på LO’s kursgård men är absurt i verkliga livet. Ett framgångsrikt företag bygger på ett samarbete mellan företagsledning och anställda, där enskilda individer känner sig tillfreds och uppskattade. Facket dör ut och det beror på att unga människor inte känner igen sig i fackets verklighetsbeskrivning, jag bedömer att vi de kommande 20 åren kommer att se resterande medlemmar gå i pension.

Mvh

M

In an effort to assist Ford GP restorers I have posted the pictures used in creating Bantam, Ford and Willys--1/4-ton Reconnaissance Cars. These pictures are in color.

The online photos are "proof" marked. The photos are located at Ford GP and are available for purchase in either 5x7 or 8x10 sizes as well as other items. Copies of the photos purchased from this site do not have the proof mark but are copyrighted by R Notman.

Nothing exciting is happening here. My Dad is still AWOL, my Mum is now on Citalopram after scoring 21 out of 27 on the depression test the GP used meaning she has severe depression and I'm still waiting for a CPN to call me back regarding me wanting an earlier appointment with the CMHT. To which I read that they are going to ignore my call and the appointment will take place on the 15th as planned.

Oh, and I took my own sutures out this morning after the GP's surgery couldn't give me an appointment with a practice nurse until Friday and they were already a day overdue (the skin was beginning to form round the suture). I know it's not very sensible but I reckon I've had so many sutures that given some lidocaine and sutures I could suture someone up quite nicely, so removing them was no problem.

Ruth

Data: 07 Sep 2008;

Numero di giri: 44;

Lunghezza circuito: 7.004 km;

Distanza totale: 308.052 km;

Giro record: 1:45.108 - K. Raikkonen (2004).

Like Charles and Di’s marriage, the doctor-patient relationship is looking a little crowded these days with the computer screen vying for attention, GP researchers have found.

In fact, the way a GP orients his or her computer - and the screen in particular – says a lot about whether they have an patient-inclusive or patient-exclusive approach, says Dr Christopher Pearce from the Melbourne East General Practice Network.

In a study of 20 general practitioners’ room layouts Dr Pearce and colleagues found that most had adopted a patient-inclusive seating approach, and yet many still excluded the patient from full access to the computer screen.

While most GPs arranged their computers so that patients could see the screens, the patients often had to turn round to view it adequately, or were too far away to see the screen content and had to pull their chair forward, they found.

GPs were also reluctant to share use of the computer keyboard and mouse, they found, and sometimes even the computer printer could be a barrier between the doctor and patient.

Their study, published in the journal Primary Care Informatics (6, 111-117) does not imply that a patient-excluding computer layout is bad, only that it results in different consultation behaviour patterns, they say.

“The screen now represents a third “face” in the consultation, one that is the object of regard of both the doctor and the patient. The keyboard and mouse are symbols of control over the computer, much in the same way that ownership of the stethoscope indicates status in the relationship,” they conclude

I was back in hospital having chemotherapy. I now only have one more cycle to go before they complete another x-ray and decide if they are to complete more chemotherapy or operate to remove the tumour. However, because I now have had 4 cycles of chemo I am really beginning to feel the side effects. I am still suffering from horrendous nausea and vomiting due to the drugs used but a combination of ondansetron and cyclizine is helping but I tend to have that horrible metallic ''just about to vomit' excess saliva feeling in my mouth most of the time. My hair is beginning to fall out which isn't good news for a girl who is a trichotillomaniac and can pull an awful lot of her hair out without even realising it, although I have noticed that as my hair falls out onto my pillow or over my shoulders the need to pull at my own hair has lessened. My immune system is also beginning to become worn down. I am suffering from being thrown by simple things like a minor cold, in fact they were worried about a week ago that I had picked up my Mum's pharangitis and would need monitoring. The only thing I have noticed from having a weakened immune system is that I am having to really look after the sutures that are in place in my legs at present and I feel very run down and tired. That's not tired in a lethargic way but tired in a feeling ill way, like you do when you have 'flu or a bad cold.

In other news I am still feeling very depressed but got home to discover that the valve on the radiator in my bathroom has been leaking whilst I was in hospital and as no one has been in there since Tuesday morning the carpet is absolutely sodden and is now beginning to smell as it dries out, which isn't particularly pleasant. I haven't heard anything from the CMHT or any part of the mental health services. It seems as if I have disappeared off the radar after seeing Gavin nearly two weeks ago. I find this shocking as it is only 2 weeks since I was discharged from hospital and my supposed 'care plan' disintegrated within 72 hours of being released. A part of me wants to tell them to stick their care and attention because if they only want to see me when I'm acutely unwell or when I pitch up into A&E (although on Monday they didn't even bother) then clearly I am well enough to stumble through my own mess and sort myself out. However, I know from past experience that I'm not very ood at coping on my own so I will continue to wait, patiently, or as patiently as I can.

I have to make an appointment with the practice nurse next week to get the sutures out and to have a blood test. I also have to see my GP to get a repeat prescription so these will be ideal times to mention the lack of support and see if they can push it along any faster. I don't hold out much hope though, which is sad because although Gavin wasn't the 'wonder boy' that everyone had made him out to be, he did seem a decent guy who did as he promised (contacting me to let me know what would happen). Maybe something has got lost somewhere along the line. There are a variety of things that could have happened and I guess I need to stop being so paranoid as to assume that I am not worthy or care and support.

Ruth

I just detta fall spar man inte på krutet i kritiken mot reklambyrån ARN och deras kampanj "Gaisblomman", en travesti på Majblomman som i denna version säljs till förmån för Gais ungdomsdivision. Så att de blåvita kan få kvalificerat motstånd i framtiden. Gais har inte piskat Blåvitt i derbysammanhang på 16 år. Kul passning och en riktigt vass kampanj med glimten i ögat. Det tycker t o m gaisare. Men inte Majblomman. De hotade via en viss branschtidning att stämma skiten ur missdådarna.

Reklambyrån ARN hånas också på ledarplats för sitt klena försvar av kampanjen och uppmanas att sluta tramsa och växa upp. Det är bara ett problem. Det finns ingen reklambyrå som heter ARN. Arn är en tempelriddare och om honom har det skrivits böcker och gjorts filmer. Byrån heter ANR.

GP:s ledarredaktion kanske borde lära sig att läsa innantill. Och signera ledarna.

***

8/16/2008:

So maybe I was a little premature in announcing a change in Tristan's sleep patterns. She woke up several times a night, in the middle of the night, every night, last week. Worse, my wife continues her practice of always waking me up along with her and Tristan.

Specifically, she asks me to change Tristan's diaper while she runs off for a little potty time herself, even if all Tristan wants to do is to nurse. I mean, if diaper changing won't stop the crying, why do I have to be miserable along with everyone, too? One night, however, Tristan didn't want to feed. She really just needed a diaper change.

Or maybe something else was happening.

Tristan's crying didn't abate when I removed the dirty diaper, as it usually does when she's only complaining about a dirty diaper. And, as I pulled out the cold wipe, I fully expected her crying to intensify when I slathered it across her bottom. Instead, she quieted precipitously.

By this point, she had turned to look at the lamp, which bathed her face in a warm glow. And as I finished the job and taped the fasteners, her eyes closed, her hand, previously raised in a clinched fist, slowly fell and a smile--a BIG smile--spread across her face.

And a little misery was a small price to pay to see that.

8/23/2008:

When I was growing up, my Dad was very much involved in my life.  He read me the Bible through Exodus and taught me Amazing Grace.  He also taught me Chess, Checkers, Backgammon and Monopoly. And when it came to football, baseball, basketball and, even, soccer, he never missed a home game.

He's a grandparent ("GP") now, though, and he expects to only have the easy parts.  So he was taken aback when Marcel ordered him to get in line.  Even though I was feeding Tristan a bottle, I tried to save him, and jumped in line behind Marcel but she insisted that all of us--my Mom, my wife and GP--get in line behind her, too.  Defeated, my Dad complied.

We marched out of the den, through the library, the dining room, the kitchen and then all of the way to nursery.  In the nursery, there's an oval area rug where she sat down, Native American-style, and ordered us to do the same, taken my Dad by surprise, again.  Again, nursing Tristan and all, I tried to take the weight and sit down for the group but, again, Marcel insisted.  Defeated, my Dad compromised and sat on her bed.

As soon as everyone was seated, Marcel started in with the songs.  We sang several rounds of an incomplete "A, B, Cs". Then we played instruments. Tristan and I had a pillow masquerading as a basketball which Marcel informed the group was a guitar.  My wife, Grandma and GP had "instruments", as well.  When we were done, Marcel instructed us to put the instruments behind us (surely so we wouldn't be distracted during the next activity), then we sang new songs.

It became clear to us that Marcel was mimicking her daily experience at fancy daycare.  This revelation filled me with comfort and gratitude that my daughter was being so well nurtured and inspired by the people to whom I entrust her.  This revelation filled my father with something else, altogether: It filled him with a question.

"When do we take a nap?"

I'm not anxious all of the time, but certain things tend to raise my level of anxiety regularly.  One of them is when I go somewhere new and I don't know anybody there, another is when I know that I am going to be somewhere where there will be a lot of people, but the worst time is before I go for my psychotherapy.  The anxiety normally starts the day before, and gets worse as the day progresses.  I try to keep myself busy so that I don't think about it, but my body just seems to slow down and my brain ceases to be able to focus on anything for any length of time.

The problem with that is that I attend psychotherapy every week so each week there are a couple of days when I am getting more anxious as the hours pass.  It ends up with me rarely being able to sleep for more than an hour or so the night before the appointment, and the bus journey to the hospital can be an absolute nightmare.

However, this week I seem to be okay.  I'm still depressed, like I say it's not a good time of year, but I don't feel anxious like I normally do.  So I have to assume that the reason for this improvement is the new medication starting to kick in and take effect.  We'll find out tonight when I go to bed; I'm hoping that I will manage more than an hour tonight.  Then the next test will be the journey to the hospital and how I am feeling when the session starts, and as it progresses.

The best thing about all this is that I have another appointment with my GP tomorrow, the first since the change of medication, and I will have had a good test to see whether the reduction in anxiety is real.  I think he will be pleased.

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Tiga puluh menit kemudian, aku masih berjalan di trotoar Jalan Jenderal Sudirman. Niatnya, jalan kaki untuk mencari foto (Aku sedikit ada minat di fotografi). Lima ribu delapan ratus foto di komputerku, tinggal stok foto lama. Sialnya, pada saat di >tiga puluh menit kemudian itu aku berjalan, aku tidak mendapatkan satu pun foto. Padahal, aku membawa dua kamera. Di tiga puluh menit kemudian itu, aku belum juga mengeluarkan kameraku, karena aku lihat-lihat tidak ada yang menarik untuk difoto dan aku juga tidak ada ide dan konsep yang keluar dari benakku.

Akhirnya, sembilan puluh menit kemudian-nya, aku sampai juga di depan Chase Plaza. Sebelumnya aku jalan kaki dari Plaza Semanggi-Plaza Indonesia-Chase Plaza. Di jembatan penyeberangan, aku dapat juga film India! Hore! Meski, jalan-jalanku saat itu tidak mendapat foto. :(

Di sini, aku menyadari bahwa ---sama halnya dengan menulis--- jika ingin mendapat jepretan yang bagus, langkah awalnya adalah mulai memotret. Dan, bahkan saat itu, aku tidak mengeluarkan kameraku. :(

Btw, menurut kalian, lebih ngga ramah lingkungan yang mana? Kantong plastik atau (kantong) kertas?